How did I get over vaginismus?
The awareness of my vaginismus and the path to recovery
To read the first part of Monica's testimony it's right here!
When did I start to worry?
Things really started to get complicated when I realized that I was still in pain more than 6 months after my very first intercourse. Sex was still painful and complicated. And the worst part was that the pain I was experiencing was accompanied by tensing and shaking. I always had this strong feeling that my vagina was closing* during penetration.
My legs would shake and close and I always had this deep feeling of disappointment.
The pain-contraction-impossibility of intercourse mechanism continued for many months. The pain was so intense that I eventually developed a real fear of penetration. I had no problem with caresses. But when it came to penetration, my body refused to cooperate.
I ended up avoiding sex altogether. I didn't want to be in pain, I didn't want to be braced and in pain. That's when I knew there was a problem. The first time can be painful, but if the pain doesn't go away after words it's not normal.
Besides, having pain during penetration is not normal. Pain, in general, is always a good indicator of dysfunction inside our body. If you feel pain during penetration, don't wait for it to go away on its own: take your courage in both hands and go see a specialist who can help you.
Making love is supposed to be pleasant, enjoyable. But for me, it was synonymous with suffering: either I continued to avoid sex at the risk of jeopardizing my relationship
*In reality, my vagina did not close. What gave me this impression of closure was the reflex contraction of my perineum which made penetration impossible.
When should I go for a consultation?
I was very much in love and even though the man I was with was patient, I could no longer tolerate this situation. I wanted to be able to have sex without having to suffer the pain. I wanted to feel pleasure during penetration.
I didn't want to spend the rest of my life suffering for sex. What also drove me to seek help was the fear of being left.
It's true, after all I didn't choose to suffer from vaginismus, I was afraid it would go away. I saw myself as a girl who was unable to have sex. And that's why 9 months after my first intercourse, I decided to talk to a professional for the first time.
Who did I go to for healing?
At first, I didn't know where to turn. The first professional I talked to was my primary care physician (who is a woman and trained in gynecology). She focused on dyspareunia and then referred me to a psychologist.
The sessions with the psychologist really helped me to free myself psychologically. Even though he was not a specialist in sexuality, he still took the time to listen to me and give me some ideas on how to heal from my trauma. I then consulted a hypnotherapist simultaneously.
I was aware that I also needed to treat the "physical" aspect and that is why I also consulted a liberal midwife specialized in perineal rehabilitation. It was this midwife who diagnosed my vaginismus. She was very gentle and understanding towards me. I remember that she did a vaginal touch* to see if I had any anatomical problems. She explained to me that if I ever felt pain or discomfort, I should let her know. I insist on this point: No professional has the right to perform a medical procedure without your consent. She had just placed her index finger at the entrance of my vagina and I remember feeling a very strong burning sensation but it was not unbearable.
Thanks to this midwife I was able to really become aware of the muscles around my vagina and focus on my sex.
Thanks to these professionals, I was able to move forward little by little in my healing process. However, sex was still very complicated and I was still in pain. I don't question their skills at all. But when you suffer from vaginismus, it is important to have real support. You can't see a midwife, a psychologist or a hypnotherapist every week. You have to wait to get an appointment.
The diagnosis was made: I did have vaginismus. But I still wasn't cured. I wanted to throw in the towel and resign myself to having sex without penetration for the rest of my life. But I didn't want to give up.
I wanted to have the choice to have penetrative sex or not. I didn't want to feel like I had to run away from penetration. So I started researching on the Internet and that's when I found the method that would bring me healing.
*The vaginal touch is a medical procedure that consists of examining the inside of the vagina by inserting the index and middle fingers. The professionals authorized to perform a touch are the general practitioner, the gynecologist, the midwife or the obstetrician.
How did I get better?
The first thing I did was book a complimentary diagnostic call with one of the coaches who explained how it would work. It was an online program that was created specifically by a woman who had suffered from vaginismus in the past. I felt understood right away. I was finally surrounded by people who had been through the same thing as me. When I joined the program, what really helped me was that the program is based on a customized healing method, specifically designed for women who suffer from vaginismus.
At first it seemed too good to be true. Even though I knew I was going to get better one day, I imagined my recovery would take years.
Thanks to the method:
● I was able to work on my mindset through videos and concrete exercises that allowed me to believe 100% in my healing.
● I was able to be accompanied throughout my healing journey by coaches who themselves had experienced vaginismus in the past
● I was able to rediscover my body and learn to love it again on a daily basis through practical exercises
● I was able to work on the different psychological blocks I had
● I was able to use the vaginal dilators with serenity thanks to the coach and the coaching sessions
● I was able to join a community of caring women thanks to the fortnightly coaching sessions and the weekly follow-up sheet that allowed me to stay focused on my goals
It was because of all these different elements that I was able to heal from vaginismus in 1.5 months. I was really shocked. I didn't expect to heal so quickly because I had a complicated history and a lot of psychological blocks. I was more than happy the day I felt truly healed. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a morning and I remember that the penetration was fluid. It was like a piece of cake. I wasn't scared and I didn't tense up. It just slipped right in. And that's when I realized that I was truly healed.
If you would like to know more about the method that helped me heal, you should know that it is called I Heal Vaginismus ®.
Today I am a writer and I write articles with tips and tricks to help women who suffer from vaginismus in their healing journey.
To get an overview of the articles I write, I invite you to click here.
The purpose of this testimonial is to give you the strength and courage to take control of your healing. I know that vaginismus is very difficult to live with. I know that it is a disorder that is as painful on a physical level as it is on a psychological level. I have gone through phases of denial, shame, sadness and even anger at times. But vaginismus, while still unknown to the medical world, is curable and I am living proof of that.
You are not alone in this struggle and if I have been able to cure vaginismus, so can you!
If you have read this far, I thank you!
See you soon!
We remind you that to relieve the pain of vaginismus, the use of menstrual panties is highly recommended.
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