How did I get over vaginismus?

My vaginismus awareness and the road to recovery

To read the first part of Monica's story, click here!

When did I start to worry?

Things really started to get complicated when I realized that I was still in pain more than 6 months after my very first intercourse. Sex was still painful and complicated. Worst of all, the pain I felt was accompanied by tensing and trembling. I always had this strong feeling that my vagina was closing* at the moment of penetration.

My legs would shake and close, and I always felt this deep sense of disappointment.

The mechanism of pain-contraction-impossibility of intercourse continued for many months. The pain was so intense that I ended up developing a real fear of penetration. I had no problem with caresses. But when it came to penetration, my body refused to cooperate.

I ended up avoiding intercourse altogether. I didn't want to be in pain, I didn't want to brace myself and I didn't want to suffer. That's when I knew something was wrong. The first time can be painful, but if the pain doesn't go away after a few words, it's not normal.

Besides, pain during penetration is not normal. Pain in general is always a good indicator of dysfunction inside the body. If you feel pain during penetration, don't wait for it to go away on its own: take your courage in both hands and go and see a specialist who can help you.

Making love is supposed to be pleasant and enjoyable. But for me, it was synonymous with suffering: either I continued to avoid intercourse at the risk of putting my relationship at risk

*In reality, my vagina wouldn't close. What gave me the impression of closure was the reflex contraction of my perineum, which made penetration impossible.

When should I seek medical advice?

I was very much in love, and even though the man I was with was patient, I could no longer tolerate this situation. I wanted to be able to make love without having to suffer like a martyr. I wanted to feel pleasure during penetration.

I didn't want to spend the rest of my life suffering to make love. What also drove me to seek help was the fear of being left.

It's true, after all, I hadn't chosen to suffer from vaginismus; I was afraid it would go away. I saw myself as a girl incapable of making love. And that's why, 9 months after my first intercourse, I decided to talk to a professional for the first time.

Who did I go to for help?

At first, I didn't know where to turn. The first professional I spoke to was my GP (who is a woman and trained in gynecology). She focused on dyspareunia and then referred me to a psychologist.

The sessions with the psychologist really freed me psychologically. Even though he wasn't a specialist in sexuality, he still took the time to listen to me and give me ideas on how to heal from my trauma. I then consulted a hypnotherapist at the same time.

I was aware that I also needed to treat the "physical" aspect, so I also consulted a private midwife specializing in perineal rehabilitation. It was this midwife who diagnosed my vaginismus. She was very gentle and understanding towards me. I remember she did a vaginal touch* to see if I had any anatomical problems. She explained that if I ever felt any pain or discomfort, I should let her know. I must insist on this point: no professional has the right to perform a medical act without your consent. She had just placed her index finger at the entrance to my vagina and I remember feeling a very strong burning sensation, but it wasn't unbearable.

Thanks to this midwife, I was able to really become aware of the muscles surrounding my vagina and focus attention on my sex.

Thanks to these professionals, I was able to move forward little by little in my healing process. However, intercourse was still very complicated and I was still in pain. I'm not questioning their skills in any way. But when you suffer from vaginismus, it's important to have real support. You can't go to a midwife, psychologist or hypnotherapist every week. You have to wait to get an appointment.

The diagnosis was made: I did indeed suffer from vaginismus. But I still wasn't cured. I felt like throwing in the towel and resigning myself to non-penetrative sex for the rest of my life. But I didn't want to give up.

I wanted to have the choice to have penetrative sex or not. I didn't want to feel compelled to run away from penetration. So I started researching on the Internet and that's when I came across the method that would bring me healing.

*The vaginal touch is a medical procedure that involves examining the inside of the vagina by inserting the index and middle fingers. Professionals authorized to perform a vaginal exam include general practitioners, gynecologists, midwives and obstetricians.

How did I get better?

The first thing I did was book a free diagnostic call with one of the coaches who explained how it would work. It was an online program that had been created especially by a woman who had suffered from vaginismus in the past. I immediately felt understood. I was finally surrounded by people who had been through the same thing as me. When I joined the program, what really helped me was that it was based on a tailor-made healing method, specifically designed for women who suffer from vaginismus.

At first, it seemed too good to be true. Even though I was aware that I would heal one day, I imagined that my recovery would take years.

Thanks to the method:

● I was able to work on my state of mind thanks to videos and concrete exercises that enabled me to believe 100% in my recovery.

● I was accompanied throughout my healing journey by coaches who had themselves experienced vaginismus in the past.

● I was able to rediscover my body and learn to love it again on a daily basis thanks to practical exercises

● I was able to work on the various psychological blocks I had

● I was able to use vaginal dilators with complete peace of mind thanks to the coach and coaching sessions

● I was able to join a community of caring women thanks to the fortnightly coaching sessions and the weekly follow-up sheet, which kept me focused on my goals.

It was thanks to all these different elements that I was able to cure vaginismus in 1 and a half months. I was really shocked. I wasn't at all expecting to heal so quickly, given that I had quite a complicated history and a lot of psychological blocks. I was more than happy the day I felt truly healed. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a morning and I remember that the penetration was fluid. It went "like clockwork". I wasn't scared and I didn't tense up. It just slipped in. And that's when I realized that I was truly cured.

If you'd like to know more about the method that cured me, it's called Je guéris du vaginisme ®.

Today, I'm an editor and I write advice and tips articles to help women suffering from vaginismus on their healing journey.

For an overview of the articles I write, please click here.

The aim of this testimonial is to give you the strength and courage to take your healing into your own hands. I know that vaginismus is very difficult to live with. I know that it's as painful physically as it is psychologically. I've gone through phases of denial, shame, sadness and even anger at times. But although vaginismus is still little-known in the medical world, it can be cured, and I'm living proof of that.

You're not alone in this fight, and if I've been able to cure vaginismus, so can you!

If you've read this far, I thank you!

See you soon!

We remind you that to relieve the pain associated with vaginismus, the use of menstrual panties is highly recommended.