How to live a benevolent motherhood?

Comment vivre une maternité bienveillante ?

Tip #1: A beautiful motherhood by finding your personal balance when baby arrives

Listen to yourself! Don't feel pressured to be in perfect balance of the different spheres of your life (by this we mean: family, social, sports etc), but rather do your best. Listen to your needs and the needs of your child in the moment. For example, if one week you feel the need to escape by doing a lot of sports while focusing less on your family life, and a week later it is the opposite, there is no problem. Be aware of your feelings, of what sphere of your life you need, at this or that moment.

Don't hesitate to get help if you feel the need, whether it's psychological, where health professionals are there to support you, or physical.

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Tip 2: When you are a mother, delegate what you can no longer manage

With the arrival of a newborn, the balance of the house is inevitably turned upside down. It requires reorganization and the daily routine is likely to be turned upside down. So why not delegate time-consuming activities such as household chores? You can get help from your family, your children if they are older, or hire a home help if you can afford it. It is also very important that the mental burden of everyday tasks be shared between the couple: it should not be left to one person.

Tip #3: Find balance in your relationship as soon as you leave the maternity ward

The arrival of a child can sometimes be complicated for the mother who no longer knows how to reconcile everything: work, motherhood, social life, but also time for herself.

It can be complicated to find a balance individually, for both parents, but also in the couple itself, and in the relationship with the newborn. The birth of a child is a real upheaval.

Everyone has their own vision of parenthood, and it is sometimes difficult to agree as a couple on a model of education.

Agree on the education of the child to gain serenity: With the arrival of a baby, the new parents are turned upside down by the emotions, needs and desires of each. Talk to each other, listen to each other and be kind to each other. You are going through precious and difficult moments, it's time to stick together!

There are several tips for successfully dealing with this upheaval and finding your balance as a couple:

  • First of all, accept that your spouse has a different vision of parenthood compared to yours, in order to find compromises.

  • Situate yourself in complementarity with your spouse, rather than in a dominant/dominated relationship. Remember that the situation is new and that you are both learning.

  • Take care of yourself before you can take care of your couple and give them time (for example: read a book, watch TV together, etc.)

Tip 4: Living well with motherhood means making time for yourself

How can you feel good about others if you don't feel good about yourself? A great mother is also a mother who takes time for herself. If you feel that your energy level is low, go and decompress, whether it's by going out, to the hairdresser, taking a bath, going to the cinema, a sports session, a shopping trip... In short: find something that makes you feel good and that allows you to recharge your batteries. Why not set aside one time a week, like a ritual, during which you take time for yourself?

Tip #5: Motherhood is about accepting that you are not a perfect parent

We often tend to want our lives to be perfect in every way: a perfectly tidy house, a happy couple where both individuals agree on everything, being productive in both our professional and personal lives.

Don't put pressure on yourself: balance is found as you go along. Prioritize your needs in the moment, that's what will allow you to have an overall balance, by listening to yourself. Parenthood is a path full of pitfalls in which learning is permanent and never totally acquired or fixed.

Tip 6: Get help

There is nothing shameful about getting help, whether it is for your personal balance, by a psychologist, or for your couple, by following a couple therapy. Sometimes, no matter how much you communicate, you can't find common ground. Going to see someone who specializes in this field can help you find the keys to help your relationship.

How long does it take to get back in balance?

It is quite normal to go through periods that are more complicated than others. It can take several months before balance is found and stabilized. The balance is never acquired once and for all, it is necessary to take care of it and to be helped if necessary.

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